The Tony Award winning musical is the story of a young girl whose mother and father die of cholera in India as the play begins. She is sent to live with her uncle in a large British manor. The old house is filled with romantic spirits. As the restless girl explores the grounds of the estate, she discovers the entrance to the magical secret garden, a place where anything is possible.

When she first enters the garden, she finds that it appears to be dead, much like her cousin, a bedridden boy, and her uncle, still haunted by memories of his lovely wife who died giving birth to the boy. In harmony with natural laws and principles, the girl faithfully plants seeds and brings new life to the garden. As the roots are warmed and the garden cultivated, she brings about a dramatic transformation of her entire culture within one season.

In my many years of teaching and training, I have seen several such transformations brought about by proactive people who exercise principle-centered leadership and the Seven Habits in their secret, private, and public lives.

When I returned home to Salt Lake City the next day to speak at my mother’s funeral, I referred to the Secret Garden, because for me and many others, my mother’s home was a secret garden where we could escape and be nurtured by positive affirmation. In her eyes, all about us was good, and all that was good was possible.

Our Three Lives
We all live three lives: public, private, and secret. In our public lives, we are seen and heard by colleagues, associates, and others within our circle of influence. In our private lives, we interact more intimately with spouses, family members, and close friends. The secret life is where your heart is, where your real motives are the ultimate desires of your life.

Many executives never visit the secret life. Their public and private lives are essentially scripted by who and what precedes and surrounds them or by the pressures of the environment. And so they never exercise that unique endowment of self-awareness the key to the secret life where you can stand apart from yourself and observe your own involvement.

Courage is required to explore our secret life because we must first withdraw from the social mirror, where we are fed positive and negative feedback continuously. As we get used to this social feedback, it becomes a comfort zone. And we may opt to avoid self-examination and idle away our time in a vacuum of reverie and rationalization. In that frame of mind, we have little sense of identity, safety, or security.

Examine Your Motives
The most critical junctures in my life take place when I visit my secret life and ask, “What do I think? What do I believe is right? What should my motives be?” These are times when I choose my motives. One such time occurred when I first heard Dag Hammarskjold say, “It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual, than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.” That statement had such a profound effect on me that I started to say to myself in regard to my relationships with other people, “Wait a minute it’s my life. I can choose whether I want to make reconciliation with this person or not. I can choose my own motives.”

One of the exciting fruits of the “secret garden” is an ability to consciously choose your own motives. Until you choose your own motives, you really can’t choose to live your own life. Everything flows out of motive and motivation that is the root of our deepest desires.

Now, when I get into a frustrating or perplexing situation, I enter into my secret life. That’s where I find not only motives but also correct principles; that’s where the inner wisdom is. As I learn to be proactive in exploring the secret life, I tap into self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and into the exercise of free will to choose another motive.

People who regularly explore their secret life and examine their motives are better able to see into the hearts of others, practice real empathy, bestow real empowerment and affirm worth and identity.

A healthy secret life will benefit your private and public lives in many ways. For example, when I’m preparing to give a speech, I read aloud a favorite discourse on faith, hope, and charity because it helps me to purify my motive. I lose all desire to impress. My only desire is to bless. And when I go to a public setting with that motive, I have great confidence and inner peace. I feel more love for the people and feel much more authentic myself.

Executives who attend our leadership training in the mountain setting of Sundance often tell me, “This is the first time in many years that I’ve done any soul searching. I’ve seen myself as if for the first time, and I’ve resolved that my life is going to be different. I’m going to be true to what I really believe.” Recently, many people have written me to say, “Your habits and principles have made the difference. I’d never really thought about some of them before, but I resonate with them.”
That’s because these principles are found in people’s secret life.

And yet most of us spend our busy days privately doing our thing, never pausing long enough to enter the secret life, the secret garden, where we can create masterpieces, discover great truths and enhance very aspect of our public and private lives.

Having a healthy secret life is the key to having a quality private and public life, as well as a quality culture, product or service.

Negotiation
Do you consider yourself a trained negotiator? Trained negotiators can quickly and effectively analyze the details of situations and determine the best route to resolution. If that brief description doesn’t fit you, make an effort to find a book, tape or seminar on the subject, then schedule the time to learn from it.

A Second Language
Consider the part of the country in which you live and those people you do business with. As our country continually redefines itself by its people, be aware of the advantages of being able to communicate with others in their native tongues. Today’s projections show that both Hispanic and Asian portions of the population are on the increase. To be able to offer your fine services to more people, you must learn more about them, their language and their cultures.

Voice
Since your clients choose to ‘own’ your products or services based on what you say and how you represent it, doesn’t it make sense that you train your voice to give the highest level of professional presentation? If you’ve never considered voice training before, tape yourself giving a portion of your presentation, then listen to it. Most of us hate the sound of our voices on tape. Just imagine how our clients must feel when listening to us. To project your message with clarity and power, consider at least one session with a voice coach. They can be found in your local yellow pages.

Public Speaking
Many sales professionals find that giving short speeches in their communities helps build their name recognition and their business. Public speaking is also a great way to build your confidence. Try your skills out by speaking to your child’s class about what you do or a hobby you have. Teachers love it when the students can learn first-hand about careers. Join Toastmasters International. There are local chapters in just about every city. They provide excellent opportunities to hone your skills and meet other business professionals with whom you might do business or share referrals.

Memory
Having a good memory is critical to anyone in today’s world, but especially so to those of us who meet many new people every week. I have learned to make a game of it in my career. I challenge myself to remember as many people and their stories as I can. There are some great courses and books written on this subject. Even if you learn and use only one small strategy, I guarantee you’ll see the benefit of having done so.

Math
Don’t cringe on me here. I know there is a large percentage of people who hate math. However, in business, you need to know some basic math skills really well. How does it look when you take a client to lunch and you have to think real hard to calculate the tip? Do you think that will raise any doubts about your competency in the client’s mind? Of course it will. Also, when clients toss out figures in their projections, you have to be quick on the uptake in understanding what that means in your business – quantities of supplies they’ll need, projecting delivery dates and times, etc. Practice your math skills. Every time you hear or see a number in a conversation or even in a bit of advertising, take a moment to work with the number and see what it means. Compute unit costs for grocery items – $1.29 for 12 ounces. How much is that per ounce? I know the favorite computation of every salesperson who works on a fee basis is to determine their percentage of every sale. Don’t stop there. Play the numbers game often and you’ll get better at winning.

Choose just one of these six areas and dedicate yourself to improving in it this month. Then, next month, choose another. Once you get started on this journey of self-education, you’ll be amazed at what you learn and how simple things can have a powerful impact on your overall success in life.

Presentation skills training is critical for anyone who sells face to face. Every day, salespeople with superior products and services lose business to their competitors because the sales presentation skills of their competitors are superior. Many salespeople have a fear of speaking to groups, often because they don’t have the presentation skills training and public speaking skills they need to deliver their message in an effective and entertaining manner. Discover how you can gain an unfair advantage, as veteran speaker and speech coach Patricia Fripp gives you dozens of ideas for taking your sales presentation skills to the next level. You’ll learn how to open, how to close, how to build credibility, how to use stories, how to handle adverse questions, how to be remembered, and several other valuable public speaking techniques that work. After viewing this presentation skills training program, you’ll be more prepared, more persuasive, and more powerful in front of any size audience.

Patricia Fripp has been a professional speaker for more than 30 years. She was the first female to become president of the 4,000 member National Speakers Association, and is recipient of the highly coveted speaking industry Hall of Fame Award. Meetings and Conventions magazine named her “One of the 10 most electrifying speakers in North America”. Patricia Fripp conducts presentation skills training programs and keynote speeches for Fortune 500 companies, national associations, and private corporations. In addition, she teaches executive speaking skills to corporate leaders. Not bad, for a young woman who became a hairstylist at 15, and arrived in the US at age twenty with little money and no contacts.